Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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