Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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