remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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