i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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