I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
