I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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