my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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