How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
