I heard we made out
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
