I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
