I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
