dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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