So drunk its hurt
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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