First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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