Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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