when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize