So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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