I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
