apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
