I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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