if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
