as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
