I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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