1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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