just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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