Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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