Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
