Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
