I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
