I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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