pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
