I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
