pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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