dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
