Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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