just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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