my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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