Non-Jews are for practice
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
