trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
