not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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