I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
