We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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