Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
