What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
