Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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