I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
