At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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