just come out here and I will go home with you...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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