I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
