You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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