Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize