It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
