I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
