eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm always down for nudity.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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