absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
