Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My first STD was from a foam party
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
