so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
