there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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