Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
sex in a hospital.. check
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
