my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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