operation have a gay friend backfired
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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