Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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