a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
