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• (310): View more from California

  The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was

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• (901): View more from Tennessee

  Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (561): View more from Florida

  Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.

  (1-337): View more from Louisiana

  so you admit it was good then??

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.

  (1-314): View more from Missouri

  So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me

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• (360): View more from Washington

  Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.

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