look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.