Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.