It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.