You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
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Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
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banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.