from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
