He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.