Already got asked if we're dating
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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