He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Operation Purity has been aborted
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in