sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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