Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
