It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
