I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize